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THE GROSSMAS TREE

One of the unique facets of Grossmas is the Grossmas Tree.
Care must be taken to properly respect the traditions of the Grossmas Tree.

The Grossmas Tree must be a naturally dead conifer tree, ideally from 5 to 10 feet tall, but smaller living room versions and larger patio versions are acceptable.
The tree must be ripped out manually, never cut. The tree is then centered and balanced in a sturdy but mangy cardboard box, then the box is filled with garbage to keep the tree in place.

The tree is decorated with any number of gross things: used condoms, old banana peels, used feminine articles, dirty sweat socks, soiled underwear (preferably of a sexual rather than excremental nature, but either is acceptable), baby teeth (or smashed permanent teeth), dead flowers, empty beer cans, used air filter, retainers, small dead mice or birds, hair balls, and of course red and yellow yarn or tinsel.

The tree is placed in a location of honor for the 12 Days of Grossmas, then ceremoniously paraded to a safe place where it is burned.
The ashes of the Grossmas Tree are extinguished in the traditional way (gentleman: drink lots of beer prior to this ceremony). No female has ever been involved in the extinguishing of the Grossmas Tree, so historical opportunity exists for any woman willing to take part!

A number of Grossmas Carols exist, which are sung on Grossmas Eve and Grossmas Day. Click on the note and sing along:

Grossmas - Home     Grossmas Culinary Festivities     The Night Before Grossmas     The Day After Grossmas     The Grossmas Tree     Grossmas Carols     The Gross Pictures