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What holiday would be complete without the joyous vibration of sound. Here are the Grossmas Carols. Don't be shy and sing loudly.

The Carols

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THE 12 DAYS OF GROSSMAS

O GROSSMAS TREE

GROSSMAS DON'T BE LATE

WE WISH YOU A MERRY GROSSMAS

KELLY JEAN

The 12 Days of Grossmas

(sung to the tune of the 12 Days of Christmas)
On the first day of Grossmas my true love gave to me:
a dirty sweat sock in the Grossmas tree.
2 John Baur's
3 Little abortions
4 Boa constrictors
5 Mutilated babies (with fingers)
6 Slimey fetuses
7 Pints of zit pus
8 glasses of pud juice
9 Little fenders
10 Arg's a grossin'
11 Crushed cadavors
12 Sick things barfing

O Grossmas Tree

(sung to the tune of O Christmas Tree)

O Grossmas Tree
O Grossmas Tree
O how you stand so grossily.
Your needles are shot
You've gone to pot
But I still think you're lov-e-ly
O Grossmas Tree, you really suck
O Grossmas Tree, who gives a f~ck
O Grossmas Tree
O Grossmas Tree
O how you stand so grossily

Grossmas Don't Be Late

(sung to the tune of Christmas Don't Be Late)

Grossmas, Grossmas time is here
Time for grossing, time for beer
We've been bad, but we can't wait
Hurry Alice, don't be late
Want a snake that loops the loop
Also want a pooper-scoop
We can hardly stand the wait
So Grossmas, don't be late.

We Wish You A Merry Grossmas

(sung to the tune of We Wish You A Merry Christmas)

Chorus: We wish you a Merry Grossmas
We wish you a Merry Grossmas
We wish you a Merry Grossmas
And a handful of beer

Gross tidings to you and all of your kin
You've got pussy boils bursting out of your skin

Chorus

Gross tidings to you and all of your ilk
You may think you're cute but your face sours milk

Chorus

Kelly Jean*

(sung to the tune of Billy Boy)
Oh where have you gone Kelly Jean, Kelly Jean
Oh where have you gone darling Kelly
You are just a two bit whore
You are sitting on the floor
You're a sick thing and you go down on your brother

*Explanation of Kelly Jean

Cleo's the afore mentioned obnoxious warm up to any Grossmas or as in this case a nitecap to Grossmas.
The former Cleo's was grossly short of seating places, so this particular Grossmas, circa '93 or '94 when we were admitted to Cleo's, the only place to sit was a spot of sticky carpeted floor. No problem, we formed a circle, drank Alabama Slammers (a favorite drink of the gross).

While sitting there commemorating on the nights gross events, a drunken blonde girl wanders towards the bathrooms noticing us on the floor and joins in. She proceeds to explain how drunk she is and how badly she has to urinate, but as usual there is a waiting line. We offer to guard the door of the men's room but she didn't think she could trust us, so she sat with us on the floor. Her date came to look for her and was not too pleased to find her on the floor with the gross group assembled. Finally nature took it's course and she relented to our offer to watch the men's room door.

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